- My first child was born in 2017 and I have so many photos of him with Snapchat filters.
- He was a hard baby, and I had postpartum depression, and I struggled with loneliness.
- I found solace in taking silly photos together.
I've snapped photos with my firstborn son since he was born in 2017, but unlike my parents before me, many of the pictures I took were silly selfies with Snapchat filters.
Back then, this was a popular method of communication — so, no, I don't regret it at all. These Snapchats helped me get through a challenging and lonely time in my postpartum days.
I struggled as a new mom
Motherhood was difficult for me at first. I experienced postpartum anxiety, which was not officially diagnosed or treated until years later. On top of this, my firstborn son was a difficult baby, crying nonstop for hours, refusing to latch, and keeping us up all night, every night, for months.
As I worked hard to keep my baby happy, I also struggled to keep myself happy — battling terrifying intrusive thoughts, irrational anger, and overwhelming anxiety that kept me awake even during the rare times of quiet. When my husband went back to work, my feelings intensified. The minutes stretched out impossibly before me as I felt desperately alone and overwhelmed taking care of my newborn baby.
Snapchat filters helped me when I felt lonely
In those moments of loneliness, I would find comfort in taking photos, using cute and ridiculous filters, and then sending them to friends and family. It was an easy way to find little moments of connection. Plus, getting responses from my friends helped me feel included in their lives, even when I was stuck at home. Especially because it was hard for me to reach out to loved ones or even know how to ask for help. Sending Snapchats was the easy icebreaker I needed.
Even when I didn't send the pictures, the act of taking selfies with my baby was a bright spot in my day. With every snap, I felt more normal (and less like the tired mom I was). It was an illusion that I cherished. The pictures showed a new mom happily hanging out with her baby and hid the fact that I was sitting nap-trapped on a recliner in milk-stained clothes, with yesterday's smudged eyeliner still desperately clinging on.
It became a ritual of sorts, swiping through the filters and making my baby giggle at the funny animals, cartoons, hearts, and other features that popped up on the screen. These cute and ridiculous pictures may have been unconventional, but they helped me bond with my son. It created these pockets of fun in my otherwise mundane day filled with diaper changes, feedings, and near-constant worries.
I don't regret using filters
Eventually, my baby started sleeping through the night, eating solid foods, and adapting to a schedule. I returned to work, and the intrusive thoughts came less frequently. Taking goofy photos became something fun and lighthearted rather than a lifeline.
My son still loves taking pictures on Snapchat and looking back at the cute faces he made as a baby. He doesn't know we did that when I was on the edge of despair and struggling to make it through the day without crying. He just sees his mom smiling and having fun with her new baby, and he absolutely loves it.
Pulling up Snapchat photos to reminisce on the past isn't exactly the same as going through an old photo album — but it's not that different either. And even though I have plenty of traditional photos of my baby, I don't regret taking so many with filters. It reminds me of a challenging, exhausting, and ultimately beautiful time in my life and motherhood journey. For that, I'm forever grateful for digital dog ears.
