- When I was 25, I moved to a new city where I had no friends and knew no one.
- I started going to the same café every evening and then began playing a game with the regulars.
- Showing up at the café consistently became the key to building friendships.
At 25, I had a great group of friends. We'd have our religious Sunday brunches once a month, and our not-so-religious coffee catch-ups once a week. It was perfect.
But then I got a new job and was forced to move to a new city in India where I knew no one, ripping me from the social life I loved.
Thankfully, my new job took me to a beautiful, slow-paced city, and I loved navigating my new life there. After this honeymoon phase, I needed something more — something that broke the home-to-work and work-to-home monotony. I needed friends, or at least connections.
That's when I found a lovely, Instagram-worthy café to visit in the evening. Most nights, I'd head there, have tea, and people-watch. That was until I made the connections I so desperately needed.
I felt the need for connection
I'd watch people walk into the café, spot someone they know, give a big smile, a frantic wave, walk toward them, and leap into a hug.
I wanted to be part of that, so I tried to impress people with my mediocre conversational skills. I'd make eye contact with all the fellow customers, hoping they'd come over and speak to me. But they'd just wave from afar and get on with their thing.
Then came one rainy day. As I waited for the rain to simmer down, I spotted a guy across the café playing Carrom, a traditional Indian wood board game, alone. I knew how to play and figured it was the perfect way into a conversation.
I went over and asked if he was up for a game. We were equally bad. Two months later, we got better, and two other players joined our Carrom ritual.
I spent the next few months getting better at Carrom and found three others who loved the game equally. Multiple times a week after work, I'd head to the café for tea and a few games. I mostly lost, but I'd befriended the café's chef, a business owner, and a software developer.
When my roommate was away for a month, the café kept me sane. On one particularly lonely day, I ended up having an hourlong conversation with one of the managers. Until then, the longest conversation I'd had with her was, "Hi." I didn't expect to connect so easily with her, but I was grateful it happened when I needed it the most.
Consistently showing up helped me make connections
Consistency was a game changer in meeting new people in my new city. Everything was consistent: the café, my beverage order (which led to many tea-related conversations between the chef and me), and Carrom.
When I moved away from that city two years later, I was proud of the community I built. Not every connection was a deep friendship, but I met people who kept my life fun and interesting. They were the one constant in my life at that time.
When I went to the café one last time, I sat alone during rush hour, nodding and smiling at everyone I knew. The Carrom board was occupied, and no one had time for a conversation. I didn't mind because I knew that when I visited next, my friends would be there, smiling, waving, and asking me if I was up for a game.
