Growing up, I always told my parents I was never getting married or having kids. It was a blow to them, because I'm an only child and they were really looking forward to being grandparents.
Fast forward many decades, and I met my now-husband, who changed my mind. I saw him play with our friends' kids and figured if I was going to try to have kids with someone, it'd be with him and him only.
I'm now the mom of three kids ages 8 and under. My parents are in their 80s, and I feel a constant pull to be there for all of them at the same time.
I moved from Argentina to the US
Exactly 16 years ago, I moved from Argentina, where I am from, to the US to attend grad school. My intention was to come for a year and move back home. I had left my apartment, my cat, and a boyfriend who said he'd wait for me. But after graduating, I got a job that sponsored my visa, and encouraged by my dad, I decided to give living in the US a try.
My intention was never to live so far away from my parents, but one thing led to the next. I met my now husband, we had kids, bought a house, and now I need to travel almost 24 hours to get a proper hug from the people who raised me.
While I see my parents often, it is becoming increasingly expensive. I can tell how quickly time is ticking between visits. My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's years ago, and while her condition is stable, I sometimes don't recognize her. My dad has battled multiple cancers throughout his life, and while still very active, he is slowing down.
I carry a lot of guilt because of it
The situation we're in breaks my heart because I want to be with them for the mundane, not just the extravagant splurges like going to see Argentina play in the World Cup, just in case it's the last one we see together.
At the same time, I feel guilty for not always being there to watch my kids grow up. It's cliché, but so very true, that the years are so short with them.
I look back at photos from just last summer and can tell how quickly time is flying by. My 8-year-old can now wear the same shoe size as me, and I find myself packing boxes of hand-me-down clothes almost every month.
I'm being pulled in 2 directions
I'm sure being an only child exacerbates all my feelings, but I also know I'm not the only one stuck in the sandwich years — watching my kids growing up and my parents getting older.
All I really want is to bottle up all the fleeting moments with them. When my kids ask me for a snuggle before bed, I do it even though I have a pile of laundry to fold, because one day they won't ask for that anymore. When my mom calls me in the middle of dinner, I always pick up because soon she might not know how to use a phone anymore. I take photos of my kids doing the little things, only to turn around and do the same with my parents. I want to remember it all before it's gone.
The pull in two directions never lets up. But maybe that's not a problem to solve — maybe it's just what it feels like to be this loved, and to love this much.
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Conz Preti doesn't just cover the stories that matter to modern families — she shapes them.An award-winning editor and author with over 15 years in digital media, Conz has built a career at the intersection of parenting, health, and culture. Armed with a master's in digital journalism from Columbia University, her byline has appeared across the publications millennials turn to most — and her editorial instincts have shaped countless more stories behind the scenes.She's the author of "Too Pregnant To Move" and a contributing voice in "100 Diverse Voices on Parenthood" — because she doesn't just edit the conversation around modern parenting, she's part of it. As Deputy Editor, she leads a team of editors and reporters, and works with endless freelancers covering parenting, health, college life, and sex and relationships.Originally from Argentina and a mom of three under 8, Conz brings lived experience and sharp editorial vision to every room she walks into.Some of her viral essays are:
- My 8-year-old invited his 4 best friends to dinner. I sat at a separate table and watched them have fun independently.
- We gave our kids only my husband's last name. Years later I regretted it, so we changed them all to include mine.
- My toddler wanted to be a sand dune for Halloween. I asked a costume expert for help and the results didn't disappoint.
- I realized I was spending over $2,000 a year to get my builder gel nails. I decided to stop and save that money.
- I got my kids, all 7 and under, a landline. They invited friends over on a snow day without my help, and I was thrilled.
- A mom of identical twins said she had to go to the police to tell her babies apart. As a parent of twins, here's how I avoid mix-ups.Besides creating viral content, Conz was also the editor behind these powerful stories:
- I stopped being the first to reach out to friends. It made me realize I don't need to be liked by everyone.
- My toddler came out as trans at age 4. He's so much happier now.
- Long-term elder care in the US can cost 5-figures a month. These families are moving to Mexico for cheaper options.
- Boomers seem to have traded in the child-raising village for traveling. Now millennial parents say they have no one to support them.
- I moved with my kids to a hotel room. It's cheaper than renting an apartment and has many amenities
- My 11-year-old walked less than a mile away from home. I was arrested and charged with reckless conduct.
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